carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
