I am puke
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
