Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
