I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize