My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
