Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
