This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
accomplished twins. life is a go
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
