i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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