if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
