No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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