These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
