Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
