Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
