I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
