All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
