Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
