My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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