Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
