I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
