I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
