honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
