i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
