i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
