you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize