Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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