You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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