Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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