Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
