I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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