Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
