that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
