well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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