I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
