I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I have fence marks all over my body
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
