Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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