4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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