It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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