whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
