i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
