Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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