We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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