Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
