Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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