margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
