you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
