My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
