You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
