So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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