ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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