Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
