he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
