everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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