I can tuck mytits in my pants
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
