I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
