I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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