hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
