apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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