remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize