Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
