I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
