We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
