fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Randomize
