This is not my ceiling
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize