I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
