She said her name was "party"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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