i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
